One of my goals in life has always been to write. Ever since middle school, when my English teacher made us do a writing portfolio of short stories and poetry, I have been taken into the world of writing. I love writing poetry, but I've also had a goal to publish a novel someday. Right now, I'm in my second year of medical school at Indiana University School of Medicine. Because of this, I have very little free time. This means my writing has dwindled significantly. I thought starting a blog would inspire me to keep up with my writing - even if it is just simple reflections of my career in medicine. Someday, I'd like to look back on this blog and be able to generate ideas for novels in hopes of getting published. I'm not even sure if anyone will read this, but it seems like a great release and reflection as I go through my medical education experiences. My only regret is that I did not start blogging a year ago, when I started my first year of medical school.
As an MS2, I have now survived Biochemistry, Histology, Anatomy with Radiology and Embryology, Physiology, Neuroscience, Pharmacology, Microbiology, Immunology, and General Pathology courses. On top of these classes we have learned how to take histories and physicals, spent afternoons at preceptor offices, interacted with a chronic patient on a monthly basis, as well as the countless other afternoons and events we fit into our busy lives. I am also a tutor for Anatomy and Neuroscience this year, putting together reviews for first year students to help them in their quest for knowledge. Through it all, my classmates and I have learned, struggled, and grown as individuals and as teammates. At the campus I am located at, we have a curriculum called Problem-Based Learning. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8-10, we work in groups to discuss the basic and clinical sciences of a paper case. Many of my classmates dislike this style of learning; however, I must admit that I find it a very important way to incorporate not only physiology and pathology into a clinical-based situation, but also as a way to remember that it's not simply about memorizing pathways, medications, and anatomical structure. We learn to think about differential diagnoses, which tests we would run for a patient, how important the patient's history is, and how we would progress in a case (whether it be cancer, a genetic disorder, or an infectious disease).
It may seem like my life is boring. I go to class from 8-12, spend some afternoons at doctor offices or in the simulation center with standardized patients, and spend the "free" afternoons I have studying until it's time for bed or until I am so exhausted that I just need a break. Okay, I'm not making myself sound more interesting yet. I get it. But I would not change my life for anything in the world. One day, I will be able to talk with patients, give them advice, comfort them when they are ill, and do everything in my possible hands that I can do to guide them and treat them. The struggles I go through now will only end up at the ultimate job - the blessing and privilege of being a physician. Outside of classwork, I am blessed enough to be with family, my boyfriend, and the great friends that I have. This weekend, we had Friday off, and I got to come home and spend time with great people. We spent last night carving pumpkins, eating pizza, and laughing. These more rare moments are times that I could not live without. Support from them is the one thing that helps me get through.
In May, I will be sitting down for an 8-hour exam that will determine my future -- the boards. This test, as we have already been told countless times, is THE test of our entire lives. No big deal, right? Every time someone mentions the boards, I already get a tight, nervous feeling in my chest. Everything we have learned, we must know down to the level of crossed t's and dotted i's. We have to be able to analyze, diagnose, and answer questions, no matter what is thrown at us. I've already spent hundreds of dollars on board prep materials that include lecture videos and thousands of practice questions. It's just a little stressful. But knowing that my classmates are right there with me, that my family and friends support me and encourage me along the way, that as long as I put the time in this year (even if it means having no life, studying 12 hours each day, or having mental breakdowns), I will have the M.D. behind my name in the end.
As we start our last class of the year on Monday - Step 7 "Medicine" - I will continue to write about my experiences, struggles, and accomplishments. Even if no one finds this interesting or worthwhile - to me, it's a catharsis that is definitely worth taking a few minutes out of my week.
